In an incoherent rant, Rick Perry said Turkey should be kicked out of NATO,
adding that its respected prime minister, Recep Erdognan, might be an Islamic
Newt Gingrich doubled down on his earlier piece of oddball thinking that 13-year-olds
should work as janitors in schools. He added that as many as 30 such teen employees
could be hired for the cost of a single professional janitor in New York City.
For a moment, Rick Santorum seemed like a flaming liberal when he said that
felons, even those who had committed violent crimes, should be given the right
to vote after they "have paid their debt to society." Mitt Romney
jumped in to make clear that he would never support such a thing.
Ron Paul, lovable gent that he is at these affairs, said the proper income
tax rate for Americans is "zero."
After two hours of this, plus an hour with Sean Hannity in the Spin Room – where
the remarks were even more likely to cause dizziness – I turned on the
radio. The host was Alex Jones, whose syndicated talk program is heard on over
60 stations, with commentary that Rolling Stone magazine said makes Rush Limbaugh
and Glenn Beck “sound like tea-sipping NPR hosts on Zoloft.”
On this night Jones and his guest were discussing which countries would be
the best places to flee to if politics and social programs made living in the
U.S. intolerable. After detailed analysis of everything from tax rates to the
behavior of dictators, they concluded that Canada and Australia were the best
But the most disturbing element of Jones’s program turned out to be
the commercials. During a single break, there were four 30-second spots, each
The first was for food rations – the type you could store in your basement
and survive on in the event of, well, just about any bad thing that would send
you down to the basement for months at a time.
The next commercial was for a type of pill that combats the effects of nuclear
fallout. An announcer cited the accident at a nuclear plant in Japan as good
reason for Americans to buy one hundred of these pills but indicated they were
also handy should we be thrust into, well, just about any sort of nuclear nightmare.
Then there was the ad for the holster – the one that made carrying a
concealed gun more comfortable without any nasty pinching – since, well,
we'll all apparently be needing such weapons pretty soon.
Finally, there was a most unusual ad for rope. The announcer sang the praises
of 500 feet of very strong rope, without actually indicating what you might use
I told a conservative friend about the strange rope commercial. He said flatly, “If
people become angry enough, there’s no telling what’s next, even
Go figure. I thought the ad meant: If watching the five current GOP candidates
becomes intolerable, and if fleeing to Australia doesn’t seem viable, you
might find 500 feet of rope handy to, well, hang yourself.
(c) Peter Funt. This column originally distributed by the Cagle Syndicate.