Senator Arlen Specter speech - "The votes are in; I guess I blew it. With voter rage, and at my age; most pundits knew it. But I'm not done yet, let there be no mys-tery; I'll be running in the fall with the Tea Par-ty..."

Elena Kagan testimony - "Do I look gay? How dare you wonder. Your group's a joke; the system's broke, and gone asunder. If I am confirmed, you all know so very well. I'll sit on the bench and never ask or tell..."

BP commercial - "OK, we goofed, but we're still tryin'. For 75-mil, our experts shill; you know they're lyin'. It'll cost a lot, now that the Gulf's a dump. But we'll get even with you, baby, at the pump..."

NBC promo - "We are the net; we do it our way. Prime-time may suck, but that's bad luck; we're makin' Jay pay. We've got new shows planned; and we'll be tops again. You'll love Al Roker when we put him on at 10...."

Sean Hannity script - "We are the world; we see it our way. We love our views, and don't confuse, what else the facts say. Balance is our goal, and we strive to keep things fair; but if we are wrong we never seem to care..."

Steve Jobs pitch - "We struck it rich; you love the iPad! You over pay, what can I say? It makes us all glad. Apple's doin' great, and we've got you all to thank. And we’re laughin' all the way to the i-Bank..."

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer news conference - "We love our cops; they stop the capers. They'll let you pass, but first they want to see your papers. We've got border guards, 'cause Latinos try to roam. As for tourists, we'll just let them stay at home..."

President Obama speech - "This job is tough; did I misjudge it? The polls are down, the markets too; I just can't fudge it. But we'll muddle through, and I want you all to know: no matter what, the job won't go to Joe..."

© Peter Funt. This column was distributed by Cagle Cartoon Syndicate.